Worship Leaders: Building a Good Working Relationship with Your Pastor

When it comes to senior pastors, I think I work for one of the best. We have a great relationship and I know he’s committed to my success both in ministry and in my walk with Christ.

Is our relationship perfect? Of course not! Did it take work to get to where we are? Definitely! But I can tell you it’s been worth it and God’s been present in our journey together, bumps and all. And in the process I’ve learned some things I’ve found helpful in building a good relationship with my senior pastor.

1. Check your ego at the door. This seems obvious but, as a musician, I know how easy it is for things to get personal. Especially for us creative types, things can often become a little too much about us. The point is, it’s not about us. It’s about God and what God’s up to with his people. When senior pastors know their worship leaders put God’s mission over their personal preferences they tend to give them greater freedom in their ministry.

2. Remember that trust is earned. I learned the hard way that it doesn’t matter how many degrees or what kind of experience you may have. Before your pastor entrusts the worship life of the congregation to you, he or she will want to see if you can live up to that trust. And that means that you may not initially have as much freedom in decision-making as you’d like. So you’ll need to be patient; like a crop of Iowa corn, trust takes time to grow.

3. Learn how to “lead up.” No senior pastor is perfect. And some are less perfect than others. Perhaps your pastor has a habit of micro managing, or making constant last-minute changes, or giving only negative input. Whatever the challenge, often the solution is to “lead up”—that is, treat your pastor the way you wish to be treated. Here are some practical ways to “lead up.”

- Pray constantly for your pastor.
- Learn your pastor’s communication style and, if appropriate, adapt to it.
- Learn your pastor’s “buttons” and DON’T push them.
- Be honest about your own junk and get it healed.
- Learn what builds trust with your pastor and what breaks trust.
- Communicate clearly, honestly and winsomely.
- Don't backchannel. If you have a conflict with your senior pastor, talk it through with them, not with a third party. Gossip never does anything except divide and destroy.

4. Forgiveness is your best power tool. Except in extreme situations, it’s important to remember that both of you are on the same team. Both of you are broken sinners, yet both of you have been called by God to lead his people. That means you both will need to be able to ask for and give forgiveness. Ironically, it’s often in the broken places where your relationship will find its strength—where Christ’s loving forgiveness is most present.